Thursday, January 14, 2010

Fathers of Daughters - Part One

One of my greatest accomplishments in life is being the father of two wonderful daughters. Monkey turned nine in October and Peanut will be seven tomorrow. My experience is vast and very narrow all at once. My wife has commented several times that it takes a special man to be the father of daughters. Something I have always prided myself on. I am a good father. I love my girls very much. I look at my counterparts without girls and laugh inside knowing that they are missing out on something special.
As of late there has been a change in the air. Monkey, a usually loving and happy girl, has been very emotional. She cries at the slightest criticism and seems to toy with a sort of depression from time to time.
My fatherly response of “Come on, suck it up and let’s go” doesn’t have the typical reaction of a “I know you’re right” smile and us moving on. Now it seems to be lost in translation or makes the matter worse.
There are whispers of hormones developing and it being age appropriate. That is fine, that is the way life is. But then there is talk that this is just the beginning.
The beginning of the end.
That is of me being the awesome dad. My little girl still loves me and gives a mighty mean bear hug. But to be perfectly honest I’m scared.
Not scared of the changes that my girls will go through. Scared that I will not be able to adjust to them.
Last night she lost it over nothing and I found myself scratching my head. This is not me. I am easily adaptable and quick on my feet. But not last night.
It got my mind wandering as to what the future will hold and how the father who was always there wanting to help, may now be hiding in the corner. I don’t want to be that guy, but I’m scared. And it hurts.
It kills me inside to think that I might fail at something so important.

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