ZAP!

Let me tell you something. I have a high pain tolerance. I know there are plenty of people who say this, but for me it is true. Some examples would be: I’ve been Tasered three times. I’ve had my face dowsed with pepper spray. I once slipped and ran a bow saw over my arm. I went two years with a torn bicep tendon hoping it would fix itself. When I was a kid I suffered through the night with appendicitis thinking the pain would just go away. Through all these things and many others I never cried or screamed or curled up in the fetal position (though the appendicitis was close). I’ve always been able to control and deal with pain. That was until…
One of the great things about the state of Florida is the water. Might even be the greatest thing. With hundreds of miles of shoreline it is easy to find a place to slip into the water and go fishing.
My father-in-law, Eddie, finished his last day of radiation. He had been dying to go fishing and asked if I’d go wading with him to kind of celebrate the end of the treatments. Of course I am game for it and happy to see him back doing the things he loves.
We cruise up to the Skyway with four dozen shrimp and wade into the water and scurry up the grass. The pinfish were in full force, but we still managed to land a few trout, lady fish and a couple of needle fish.
About two hours into it I see the birds dive-bombing schools of bait and something running under them causing the greenies to go skipping across the surface believe it better to take their chance with the birds. This is about a hundred yards from where we were at. I show it to Eddie and he tells me to head over, he still doesn’t quite have the energy. The thought of snook or reds or even big trout in a frenzy nearly send me into one so I start making my way over there.
Along the way I see plenty of mullet jumping and I hope that’s not what’s really busting out of the water.
ZAP! Just like that. I jump out of the water and dance a little jig. Never saw it or felt it, but I knew exactly what happened. I looked down and on the front of my ankle where the leg meets the foot there’s a small puncture wound trickling blood.
Now I’ve read on here many stories of poor suckers getting stung by stingrays and how terrible it is. And I admit that I’ve rolled my eyes thinking how bad can it hurt? I mean with my pain tolerance I could handle it. Suck it up losers!
I take a deep breath and two more steps. Yeah, BS! The pain intensified rapidly and I hobbled as fast as I could back to Eddie.
"Eddie!" I yelled and waved him over. He waves back then continues fishing. I trudge along a few more feet thinking he can't hear me. "Eddie!" once more.
"Yeah?"
"We gotta go!"
"Why?"
Now I'm bent over with my hands on my knees. "Stingray!"
"Where?"
"My foot!"
"Oh!"
We head back in. I can tell you that was the hardest 200 yards I’ve ever waded; thought a couple of times I might just fall out.
He's up to the truck before me and starts loading his gear. I get up there and toss my crap in the bed of the truck. The pain is radiating from the site up my shin to the knee cap and down my foot to my big toe. I look over and he's trying to change out of his wade boots into his Crocs. His hip has been bothering him so he struggles to slip them on and drops one, struggles to bend over and pick it up, then starts fighting to get it back on again(1). Are you kidding me?! I'm resting my head on the bed of the truck trying to focus all my energy on the pain.
He finally comes around to open my door and starts patting his pockets. Then scrunches his face(2). This cannot be happening! Then his eyes pop open and he starts fishing the keys out of his pocket.
In the truck and on our way to Manatee Memorial I thought about the different things I’d read like meat tenderizer and whatever else and thought the only way to stop this pain will be with a lot of drugs. It took every fiber of my being to focus on the pain and not freak out. The only way I can describe it is extreme cramping, like someone was taking the tendons in my leg and twisting them until they started to knot up. I messed with air and tried every position I could, but nothing I did relieved the pain.
Next thing I know we're passing the exit to get to the hospital(3).
"Eddie, where are you going?"
"Oh, crap."
See, now I know he's screwing with me.
He turns around and starts heading back toward the Skyway and... misses the frig'n u-turn to start heading back to the exit for the hospital(4)!
"You're killing me!"
Eddie whips the truck around in the direction of the hospital.
We arrive and he's kind enough to drop me at the door. I hobble in and the guy at the desk asks me if I want to see a doctor. Why else would anybody go to the ER?! He tells me to fill out some form which I manage to scratch STINGRAY across and toss on the counter.
Sitting there I imagine people think I have Tourettes, because ever few seconds I squirm around and blurt out obscenities. Thankfully there was no one else in the ER. I sat and writhed in pain wishing someone would run out with a giant needle of lidocaine or something. And I hate needles!
Eddie shows up and has a seat next to me. "Anybody see you yet?"
"No."
"Looks like it really hurts."
"YA RACKIN' FRACKIN' NAZIT-TRAP! Yes it does."
After about fifteen minutes the guy at the desk asks eddie if I had been seen yet.
"Yeah, I think someone has(5)."
"WHAT? NO! NO ONE HAS SEEN ME!" What did I ever do to him? I gave him two lovely granddaughters. I... Oh, now I get it. Like it's my fault he has a hot daughter.
Finally, they tell me to sit in the nurse’s office and she says we need to soak it in hot water and I’m thinking screw the water bring me drugs! But I’ll be damned if the pain didn’t go away instantly once the foot was in the tub. Hot water, who knew. Okay some of you knew, but where were you when I needed ya? Hell, if I knew that I would have busted the radiator cap off that truck.
As I sat and soaked it a nurse brought me a couple of Lortab and I’m not sure I need them. But as soon as the foot came out of the water the pain came rushing back. Foot in hot water once more! Between the pills and a now somewhat kind of decent pain tolerance I was able to survive the ride home. A couple of naps and ice and I was more than able to cope.
For all you who have suffered with this I say I am sorry for ever doubting you and now I can feel you pain. For the rest of you all I can say is SHUFFLE YOUR FEET!!!
I tell you what, you can forget all that water-boarding crap; stingrays.